Love is one of the most beautiful things in the Universe, it is what moves the hearts of humanity on this beautiful journey of living. Therefore, when there is a break, when there is a separation, the suffering is also proportional to the beauty of experiencing that love.
And the heart is broken and the soul is empty like a cold night in a rainy winter. This topic is part of those topics that are difficult to address because it is, in fact, very painful. Depending on the degree of connection you had with the person, it can be the same process as mourning.
And of course, just because you read these tips won't make you forget or heal that deep wound all of a sudden. Of course. A broken heart doesn't heal like that. It takes time. But what to do in this time that seems to never pass and that hurts so much? We're not going to teach you anything. Let's just remember that if you change your perspective and are able to accept some things within yourself, that if you take these topics into consideration, you may feel a little lighter during this very difficult time. That's the intention. It's helping her face this difficult time in a less painful way. So, here are the suggestions.
Give it time.
Be patient with yourself. It's already cliché but it's true: this is a process. He didn't fall completely in love in hours, it took more days, so the reverse process takes time. It's normal. Don't criticize yourself for it. Accept that this whole process takes a while, but time will eventually heal many wounds. Think: "It's normal to be suffering, it's okay, this will pass. This suffering does not define me as a person." Take a deep breath through your nose and exhale through your nose or mouth until you think there is no more air to come out. And try to relax, as much as possible.
Accept. You don't have to forget the person from one moment to the next.
In some situations, one of the most common, and obviously understandable, attitudes is to try to make the mind try to forget that that person ever existed. But ten minutes later, or a day later, the memory brings the memory back. And it will always be like this because memory is linked to our survival and is not erased that way. Try to understand that what you want is to forget or appease the pain that this person is causing you. Accept that this person, even though they may have broken your heart, can be comfortable in the hearts of the people in your life. Don't beat yourself up by not forgetting the person from one day to the next. This, if it has to be, will happen over time. Think: "You can be there all you want – in my mind – but I won't pay much attention to you."
Don't be alone.
Being a little alone doesn't hurt. Especially because, at this stage, the mind needs to rest from the many opinions of others. But don't overdo it. If you stay alone for too long, your brain switches to default mode and makes you dwell on the problem even more, increasing depressive feelings. Go to friends or family, who can either listen to you, if you need to, or make you laugh. No need to be accompanied, at this stage, by loneliness and/or people given to drama.
Do new activities.
New activities require another type of attention and end up diverting the focus from suffering to a different focus, giving you time to relax and let the healing process begin.
Remember the good without forgetting the bad.
At these times it is also very normal for people to remember the good times more. But, in a way, you can run the risk of valuing the person who left too much and reinforcing the feeling that you won't be able to live without them. This is all normal. But it's not healthy because it's not true. We don't want you to start seeing the person as a monster, but try to remember the things you didn't really like about them. Try to remember what went wrong.
Don't immediately replace one love with another.
It is extremely important, if you can, to meet new people but this is different from starting to date them straight away. Camouflaging feelings can help ease some pain, but it may not be ideal because it can also mask a love that you, in reality, don't feel. Over time, this discovery can hurt you even more and does not help the process. Not to mention hurting, similarly, someone who, in the meantime, came into your life and also doesn't deserve it.
Don't neglect the physical part.
It's time to take care of yourself. When there is a broken heart there is an angry mirror. At this stage you can look in the mirror and think you are the ugliest person in the world because, in truth, you are always in doubt whether the person left you because “we are no longer beautiful”. As such, nothing to slouch about. Do sports, run or walk (super anti-depressant activities!) and get ready. It is very important that your eyes see you as beautiful. It may not be a holy medicine but you can be sure it helps.
Seek professional help.
Has it been a while and you still feel like staying asleep and burying yourself in the sheets and never waking up again? It's time to put pride aside and be brave. Courage involves going to talk to a therapist and/or psychologist so that you can have concrete help in restructuring your emotional self and so that you can rise again, live. Joining self-help groups is also very beneficial. Look for some online and try them out. Talking to people who are in the same process as you can help a lot.
Did you know that there is a theory that says that we only stay with those we have to stay with? And that all people have a purpose in our lives, especially those who hurt us, which is to help us get to know ourselves better and grow? And that sometimes a period of separation is important so that the couple, before getting back together again, can mature more? So, lots of strength and hope! Everything will work out.
Vanda do Nascimento is a therapist, trainer and Mindfulness instructor at the Escola de Mindfulness Essencial , founded by her in 2016. She began her career as a teacher in 1997, obtaining a degree in Education. On that same date, he also began his studies in Reiki, Meditation and Mindfulness. Later, he embarked on the path of Psychology and delved even deeper into the topic of Mindfulness, in order to continue his fight to control stress and anxiety.
