We do not want this article to be just one of many. We want you to take tips from here, yes, but in a general way because what we really want is for you to understand that you can't do more. You can do it differently. And truth. The statistics say so. What's more: it is stated that There are no perfect mothers. There are only those who can come close (do and be) to what is supposedly best for their children. So congratulations! You've already taken the first step, or revealed the first clue as to how you have everything it takes to be a good mother! Because the first signs are these: opening yourself up to the topic, to other opinions, such as reading articles like this.
This multitasking of being a woman, mother, professional and wife/partner is one of the greatest stunts in the world. We probably weren't supposed to be so overwhelmed but it was, and is, an option that, at the moment, we can't replace. Because, deep down, we actually like doing all this. However, this being able to handle everything is often absolutely impossible to achieve in the way we dreamed of. Something has to be left behind. And the biggest problem is that what is left behind, for the mother who truly loves, is herself. But that shouldn't be as worthy as it sometimes seems, because there's nothing healthy about it. Therefore, find out, according to the latest news from leading scholars on the subject, what you should start taking into account to better manage this huge multitasking. Some guidelines are very obvious and you already know them well. However, they serve to remind you and begin to act.
Before being a mother, she is a human being. Take care of yourself. It is estimated that, more or less, only after the child is two years old will the mother take more care of herself again. It can not be! You need to get back to taking care of your physical and mental health as quickly as possible to reduce the risk of severe depression and/or more serious anxiety states! The thing is, whether you want to or not, you will only be able to be a good mother if you are well.
Delegate tasks and get used to asking for help. Many mothers think that only they know how to do tasks well. Is not true. Studies indicate that, often, what happens is that other people don't do the same as their mother or it takes longer. Accept this and delegate tasks! Stop thinking you are incapable just because you are asking for help! It has been proven that the mother who asks for help is much more successful! (As expected). You just have to ask for the right help, calmly and rationally, whether from your husband with domestic activities, or from colleagues at work (read the text about Burnout , on this website ), etc.
Stop blaming yourself! The mother tends to blame herself constantly, sometimes because she can't get everywhere but she thinks she should be able to, sometimes because her son is a pest and has probably made a mistake in something, etc. It is recommended that you stop wasting so much energy on blaming and channel it towards possible solutions: “What can I do to make it go better next time?” or “I can’t do it alone, it’s better to talk to a competent professional for this purpose”, etc.
Say “no” and explain why. Communication has also been talked about a lot on this topic. Stop being afraid to say “no”, whether to your children, your husband or your colleague. A well-explained “no”, without just saying yes and without shouting, has helped a lot in relationships. If you explain why you are saying no, most of the time it will be well understood, including by your children: “If mom buys this game later, she won't have money to buy food. What would you eat for dinner? The game? You couldn't do it, could you? Do you understand now, son?”
Dedicate 15 minutes a day of attention to your children. It has been proven that, after a day at school, children really need their parents' attention, no matter how well the day went. And, after some experiences in this field, it was concluded that the first thing you should try to do on your first date after school is to put aside your cell phone, shopping bags, dinner plans, etc., and dedicate 15 minutes to them. your full attention. Do you know when we are talking to someone and we feel perfectly that the other person is thinking about other things at the same time and their attention is only half or a quarter on us? It's frustrating, isn't it? Then. Both children and teenagers feel a lot when this happens. However, they also feel the opposite! Therefore, if for 15 minutes you are there “body and soul”, trying to find out, harmoniously, how the child’s day was, not belittling what he says, he will be satisfied and will no longer need to do so much nonsense just to tell you. attract attention, nor always attract attention.
The hug is as important as the reprimand. Neither 8 nor 80. Affection builds in a child the same thing as a reprimand (although without drama and at the right time!), their self-esteem, self-acceptance and specific personality traits.
Keep what you promise. In order to cultivate feelings of security and trust in the child, always try to follow through on what you say. When you don't do what you say, your child unconsciously tends to lose confidence in you and in themselves.
Start acting now. Start, preferably, with point one of this article. And don't give up, because you really are a goddess.
Vanda do Nascimento is a therapist, trainer and Mindfulness instructor at the Escola de Mindfulness Essencial , which she founded in 2016. She began her career as a teacher in 1997, obtaining a degree in Education . On that same date, he also began his studies in Reiki, Meditation and Mindfulness. Later, he embarked on the path of Psychology and delved even deeper into the topic of Mindfulness, in order to continue his fight to control stress and anxiety.
