The truth may not be pleasant, but it needs to be highlighted: there are typical habits of toxic relationships that are not only seen as normal by society, but are also overvalued. The love stories we consume, through the books we read and the films we watch, hand in hand with the idea of eternal happiness, are proof of this.
In the fiction products we consume, nurturing love often ends up being confused with the practice of certain toxic behaviors, something that happens because what makes a relationship truly stable and rewarding is not always what “sells” the most.
We reveal some of the habits that, apparently, are normal, but that could be harming your relationship.
1. BELIEVE THAT YOUR LOVED PERSON IS YOUR “OTHER HALF” .
The idea that you need someone to complete you, to live in alignment with your purpose and your happiness, is one of the many limiting beliefs that may be harming you. To live a full life, we don't need to be in a loving relationship.
This mentality does not favor your self-love, and can even lead to toxic dynamics, namely insecurities, controlling behaviors and feelings of dependence.
Look at the person who is with you as someone who enriches you and adds to your life – which was already complete before their presence. Focus more on yourself, and more often than on your relationship, looking for what makes you happiest. This way, joy will have another flavor, when shared with your love.
2. WAITING FOR THE OTHER PERSON TO FIX YOUR EMOTIONAL ANGUISHES.
Accumulating resentment is never a good solution. How many times have you argued because you expected more understanding and support from the other side? Not every day we feel emotionally available to others, regardless of whether we are in a relationship.
Feeling supported is fundamental, but that doesn't mean the other person is emotionally obligated to do so. The goal is for there to be encouragement and understanding, without either party depending on the other.
Instead of pointing out something you don't like harshly, ask questions. Speak according to what you would like to hear from the other side and take responsibility for your own emotions, without placing a weight on them that they should not exert on your well-being.
3. FOCUSING TOO MUCH ON THE IDEA OF “SOULMATES” .
The problem with blindly believing in the idea that the person next to you is invariably your soulmate is that you can spend your entire life evaluating them in terms of what they are not, instead of loving them. for what she is.
In this sense – without forgetting that it is also possible to find a person who meets all your requirements – it is the way we think about commitment that makes all the difference, and one of the healthiest ways to see it is as a choice, not as something that is “the work of destiny”.
4. GENERALIZE THE OTHER PERSON'S ACTIONS .
Expressing how you feel by making generalizations and making demands on the other person is not a good policy for taking your relationship to the next level. Creating an expectation for the relationship based on your own ideals, which, in fact, have nothing to do with your partner, can ruin everything. Don't relate to a person based on what they could be and simply accept who they are.
Simply focus on the problem at hand. Don't generalize your partner's actions and explain why they hurt you (when they happen).
5. NORMALIZE CONFLICTS .
There is nothing romantic about being in constant conflict. As a rule, when this happens, it is a sign that there is something deeper that needs to be resolved, namely issues related to immaturity, communication difficulties or traits of abuse and/or narcissism.
Regardless of the situations that are triggering constant discussions, the fact is that these disagreements contribute to an unsustainable relationship, increasingly wearing it down.
Be more consistent with the ups and downs of your relationship and have an adult attitude towards adversities, so that they can be overcome. View problems as something that needs to be faced by both members of the relationship, avoiding them being against each other. Express your gratitude for your relationship and everything will become easier.
