It's so good when a relationship works! It's the miracle that wakes up the soul, it's when “Wednesday feels like Sunday” and we can do things we never imagined we could do. It's when our eyes shine brightest and not even the strongest flu takes us to bed. But when it doesn't work, and we don't want it, when there is a sad and unexpected outcome, it's a nuclear bomb that explodes inside us, destroys us, makes us sick and leaves us with our lives at a standstill as if we were temporarily living in a night where the The day will no longer dawn.
A loving relationship that works is very important, it is essential for our emotional and, obviously, general health. Therefore, it is worth trying, always trying as carefully as possible, following tips, advice and having common sense to fight against any unreasonable end. However, the base has to be there. The two really have to like each other, to be sure that they love each other, even if the form of loving energy of one is slightly different from the other's form of loving energy. If this is the case, everything becomes easier, despite the difficult part, which is maintaining a good relationship with your loved one.
It's an art, yes! Because it requires patience, perseverance, love, affection and tolerance, not to mention the concessions (without being exaggerated) that we both have to make for each other from time to time. It requires us to be able to look inside ourselves and accept what we are not doing (or being) in the most correct way possible. As such, here are some tips to remind you what you should do with those you have next to you in your life:
Remember why you fell in love with this person.
Take a little trip to the past and try to remember what enchanted you most. Return to the present and observe whether you have helped your partner maintain those qualities that you appreciated so much. Or if, unintentionally, you started trying to change something, so that the person would adapt more to you. Analyze without embarrassment.
Try to remember the life journey you have taken together so far.
What good and bad moments, in building your life (house, job, children, etc.) did you go through together? Don't evaluate now who did more or less. There will always be one side that, by nature, will always be more proactive and optimistic. Try to just stick to an analysis of companionship. Was there a lot of emotional and physical exhaustion due to the struggle of life on a daily basis? Possible tiredness can also come from this and have nothing to do with the decrease in your love. Take this into consideration and don't be so demanding either with the person or with yourself.
Remember the times when you supported each other, each in your own way.
Even though one may be more about helping materially or physically and the other is more about helping with words of optimism and moral strength, it doesn't hurt. On the contrary. You are together, precisely, to complete each other. Not to compete! If you can, remind your loved one of one of those moments and be grateful for the fact that – even if it was just a little – they did or said something that helped a little (or a lot) in the development or solution of a certain problem in your life. Praise and thank whenever you can.
Put on the scale what you really like about the person and what you don't like at all.
Let's assume that, as you love this person, you will tolerate a little the part that you don't like at all. However, have you spoken to the person about this? Without judging, criticizing or ironically? Did you speak in a calm, friendly and observant manner? Is there a chance she could change a little? If not, is there a way to tolerate what that person will never give you? Then! It's just that, in love, you have to be able to understand that there are things that will never change about the other person. Accepted? Think about how you can overcome this issue. You also certainly have very unique aspects that will never change.
Do you think they are evolving along different paths in life?
Do you feel like you are wanting things, whether physical, material, cultural or emotional, that are completely different from each other? Talk about it and try to see if, despite not noticing it much, there is some common place where you meet, where you can share these themes or desires between the two of you. This is because there is always a common place: for example, sitting down to have lunch or a snack while talking about these things of yours. A moment when one listens to the other and vice versa. But with active listening, attention and affection.
Is there any aspect of your relationship that is completely different from what it was?
Talk about it, but without judging or criticizing, without focusing on who is right or who was most to blame, because that doesn't lead anywhere. What matters is focusing on accountability, on what can be done today to improve this aspect. Don't play the game of blaming the other person for everything.
Control jealousy.
This aspect has destroyed thousands of relationships. We talk not only about jealousy due to fear of losing the person to someone else, but also about jealousy linked to the success that the other may have, both professionally and personally. Try to accept the other person's success and trust. You won't lose your loved one just because he or she is very successful. (Although, in a case of great success, the other person may get lost in the glare of the ego, do not give up on them and calmly bring them back to reality. With love and patience, if there is true love, it will come ).
Trust and give your loved one space.
Exaggerated attachment is terrible, it suffocates and pushes you away! As such, it's not worth it. Believe. The more you corner a person, the more they want to fly. Give him some space. Moderate phone calls and messages per day, and don't insist that the person, instead of watching two films with you, can only watch one. Let her breathe so she can want to be with you.
Control selfishness. Don't ignore your loved one's needs.
Sometimes it's not easy to realize this, but it often happens that one of the couple puts their needs first, before those of the other. This, like jealousy, has also been a reason to end relationships. Selfishness is terrible! And it happens a lot when one of the couple doesn't express themselves or doesn't complain. Soon, the other easily passes over. Reflect on what you have already realized are your lover's needs and see if you are also giving them priority.
Dedicate more time to your loved one.
When we talk about giving space we are referring to a space that Some people exaggerate and leave the other person feeling very alone. Over time, habits become established and it seems that that person is already taken for granted. Reflect and try to readjust your time. You will see that you can do it and it will be very good, including for you. Some excuses for cheating are based on this aspect.
For the rest, love and allow yourself to receive love, never forgetting to love yourself first. And trust. Whoever has to stay with you will stay. The Universe works wonderfully well. Go ahead. We are with you.
Vanda do Nascimento is a therapist, trainer and Mindfulness instructor at the Escola de Mindfulness Essencial , which she founded in 2016. She began her career as a teacher in 1997, obtaining a degree in Education. On that same date, he also began his studies in Reiki, Meditation and Mindfulness. Later, he embarked on the path of Psychology and delved even deeper into the topic of Mindfulness, in order to continue his fight to control stress and anxiety.
