When pregnant and busy, many women certainly try to do their best to take care of themselves – however, knowing that sometimes it is not easy to get everywhere. The world of motherhood doesn't just have its pink side: after all, what doesn't anyone tell us about pregnancy and postpartum? We spoke to three different women, in different age groups (25, 30 and 37), who shared with us their experience with motherhood.
PATRÍCIA FONTE, 25, Visual Merchandiser
When did you realize it was the ideal time to be a mother?
I realized from a very early age. It has always been the biggest dream of my life. I imagined what it would be like to feel the unparalleled love that unites a mother and a child and the magic of generating a being that will be ours forever. The biggest and best responsibility in the world, for life.
With such a small child, how do you manage your daily life so that you can fulfill all your personal and professional duties?
It's a daily challenge. Children go through several stages, and therefore there has to be constant adaptation to their routines, which is not always easy to achieve. But, the most important thing is to make everyday life as healthy and peaceful as possible. And with love everything is possible.
The idea that motherhood is just a rosy world has not yet been completely deconstructed. What do you think about this?
It is essential to understand that the maternal world has both sides, there are wonderful things and others that are less good. For women, everything that involves motherhood involves a really big change. It is important that the “truth” is told, it is important that there are several real stories, without fear and without prejudice.
There is great pressure for mothers to present the body they had before after giving birth. Did you feel this on your skin?
In fact, it is inevitable that this will not happen. An image of an ideal/perfect woman was created, which in reality does not exist. I think there are probably women who may feel more intensely than others. In my case, I had exceptional support from my husband, and perhaps that's why I was able to overcome this stage in a more controlled way.
How is the relationship and sexual pleasure with your partner after motherhood? Will it go back to how it was?
It depends a lot on the partner we have at our side. It's a very intense change, it requires time, space and a lot of understanding. Initially, the main focus is the baby, which ends up leaving the relationship between the couple a little in the background. But it is at an early stage, it is temporary, in time everything will return to normal. Exactly the same thing happens when returning to sexual activity. It is perfectly normal to have some discomfort and fear, each birth is different, and therefore each woman takes her own time.
ANA DOMINGOS, 30, BUSINESSMAN
When did you realize it was the ideal time to be a mother?
I don't remember thinking about when the ideal time would be. We really wanted to live today and build tomorrow, however, we never talked about dates. I think there is no “ideal moment”. It's ideal when we feel good, we share the same desire and stability.
With such a small child, how do you manage your daily life so that you can fulfill all your personal and professional duties?
In the first few months, it is very common to hear mothers say that they don't have time to do anything, or that they haven't done anything all day. Over time, I realized that there is nothing true in these sentences. We have the most wonderful and important function in the world, which for me can be summed up in three words: love, care and educate. We, mothers, have a doctorate in sleepless nights and experts in holding hands and affection. Meanwhile, perhaps the laundry remains to be hung and the work is piling up, the hair remains to be washed or the house remains to be tidied up; There will, in fact, be days when it may seem like an impossible mission. And that's it. There are no formulas, no theorems. Every day is a challenge. Some of us will never give up on conciliation; Others will need a break. And that's okay. For me, it all comes down to a constant search for balance.
The idea that motherhood is just a rosy world has not yet been completely deconstructed. What do you think about this?
I am an advocate that we should always talk about the good side and the less good side. The truth is that, not so long ago, women were little listened to, little importance was given to what they felt, and there was pressure for motherhood to only be about good things.
There is great pressure for mothers to present the body they had before after giving birth. Did you feel this on your skin?
No. I think we all end up thinking and having an expectation of what our postpartum body will be like, but I never really felt pressure. We have to remember: our body has the power to generate life, it transforms and carries itself. It's a real home for months. It is very important to give time, be patient and, above all, trust the process.
How is the relationship and sexual pleasure with your partner after motherhood? Will it go back to how it was?
There are always some insecurities, which is why the partner plays a fundamental role in the entire process. It's a journey of trust. At the end of the day, everything intensifies and nothing is lost.
ANA RITA, 37, AUDIOVISUAL TECHNICIAN
When did you realize it was the ideal time to be a mother?
When I had a minimally stable relationship and my boyfriend agreed to have a child. I always imagined being a mother, but I would like it to be the result of love and not of a night of sex or insemination (possibilities that crossed my mind, if the first hypothesis didn't come true). If I had been younger, I might have waited a little longer, because we hadn't been dating for that long, but the age factor also played a role. So, it was a combination of factors that made it happen now. And still good
With such a small child, how do you manage your daily life so that you can fulfill all your personal and professional duties?
At first, I thought it was impossible to get my life back. The first month is very tiring and scary, but little by little things become easier and more natural. It's all a matter of habit and, slowly, we are able to do some things we did before – just a few! There are things that will never go back to the way they were... now, we have to choose what is really worth it, because we can no longer do everything we did before. It's a question of priorities. Having family around also helps a lot.
The idea that motherhood is just a rosy world has not yet been completely deconstructed. What do you think about this?
I confess that I felt deceived after giving birth. No one ever told me openly how painful and transformative it was. I feel like there's some kind of plot to not ruin the moment or scare the pre-mom. As if we couldn't be bothered with unpleasant things... and then we deal with it all at the same time: the birth, its after-effects and a baby to take care of. Everything like that, in 12 hours, more and less. More for more than for less. The expression “1 little hour” is the biggest fraud ever.
There is great pressure for mothers to present the body they had before after giving birth. Did you feel this on your skin?
I didn't feel that. I was the one who wanted to get back in shape as quickly as possible, in an attempt to regain something of what I was. But once again, nothing goes back to the way it was and neither does my body. But I'm okay with that. I'm a little different, but fine. It's just another new thing, in this whole new life.
How is the relationship and sexual pleasure with your partner after motherhood? Will it go back to how it was?
The love relationship takes a backseat. And pleasure, on the list of priorities, is very low! There's so much to do, it's one of the last things we think about. Sometimes we think, but we prefer to sleep. Other times we are about to put it into practice, but the baby cries. Doing it in the room with the baby there is also a little strange. We became more of a team focused on taking care of the baby, rather than taking care of each other. In fact, we started to discuss a lot more about who has to do what, who does more and who does less, who works more, who slept less... inevitably, there is always more left over for the mother, and this was also a reality for the mother. which was not prepared. I knew I would be the one breastfeeding, of course, but I didn't know that when the baby cried, only I would hear him. I thought that his father would also change his life a little, it was the least, after the turnaround that mine had suffered, but his changed little and I sometimes felt alone. I didn't feel that there was the same commitment on both sides. It's beautiful to be a mother, but it's not a bed of roses at all. I'm still trying to adapt to all the changes, but I've heard that now it will always be like this... A constant adaptation.
